Pain Pain Go Away – I Don’t Want To Feel This Way – Part II

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Pain Pain Go Away – I Don’t Want To Feel This Way – Part II


It happened again. I put my life on hold for several weeks to try and comprehend the huge loss that has occurred. Ginger (snap), my sweet girl passed away on March 10, 2016 – I cannot believe it has already been a month. Life goes on – but it has been forever altered. We lost her sister, Riley back in August 2015, that is part 1 to this post.

To lose one dog was heartbreaking – but to lose 2 in such a short time is beyond anything I could put into words. Ginger – the sweeter of the two – the one who always watched over us, who was quiet and looked to her “big sister” for friendship and guidance.  You were the one everyone fell in love with, your beautiful red fur and those eyes that just spoke volumes — you won every one over.

Your love of life stayed strong right up until the end. Although you were the worst walker ever – that last walk just a day before you passed will be forever ingrained in my mind. Your want to sniff every single thing drove me insane – I never called it a “walk” with you – it was called a “stop and go” – but that last walk, we took our time. I let you stop and sniff every little thing. I do not know why I had more patience that day – but I am so glad you did. I had no indication it would be your last day with me….

That Thursday morning will never leave my mind. You were different. You had trouble walking and looked drunk. You went to pee and fell over. You were struggling and it broke my heart. You fell several times that morning – one time so bad you peed yourself.

Then there was the moment where I swear you had a seizure. You were not moving. Your eyes were glazed. I knew this was it. I called the vet hysterical – then suddenly you “came out of it”. But you could not walk.


Something happened that Wednesday night………I do not know what – maybe a stroke? But you were a different dog.

Knowing how horrible Riley suffered in the end, I did not want the same for you. We went to the vet. You could not walk in – I had to carry you. I placed you on the blanket the vet laid out – and for the first time that day you stood unassisted.  After a brief discussion – knowing you had an inoperable tumor, knowing you were heartbroken from the loss of your sister and knowing you were 14.5 and your body was tired – I made the hardest decision ever to let you go.

My heart broke.


In the recent weeks I had been trying to spend more time with you – I even let you on the couch with me which was a huge no-no after Rachel was born. You sucked up that opportunity. (I wonder if you are now bragging to Riley how you were allowed on the couch!).  We snuggled every night we could…….and clearly by the looks of this picture – you loved every minute of it.

I lost the 2 best dogs that were such a huge part of my life for so long. How can I replace all those special moments……how can I get back those wonderful walks and and all the things that made you both so special and made our lives so much more fulfilling?

Not only did I lose 2 of my best friends in the world – it was also like a piece of my past has been altered. You were there when we bought our first home – there when we bought our second home – you were there when we had your little sister Rachel… were just always there – the way it is supposed to be.

Now you are not.

Ginger you were so incredible special – your sweetness and softness and gentle nature were just incredible. Your sister was the opposite – she was a true bully, annoying and all about her – but not you, you were the perfect family dog. Always letting us know when strangers were around – always seemed to be on guard and make sure we were OK.

You were never the same after Riley passed – and Daddy and I always said you would not make it without her. I guess we were right. I like to thing Riley inspired you to stay long enough for me to feel a little less stressed about her passing…..

People sometimes do not understand the bond you both had with each other and I would always say it was like having one dog. How you would share the food in a bowl, how you would sleep in a ying yang and share one bed even when we had 3 for you – how you walked in step and wagged your tails at the same time. You were so in tune with each other and were miserable when the other was not there.

Although the pain of losing you has been immense — knowing you are together, where you are supposed to be – gives me a little relief.

I can only hope you know my letting you both go was because I LOVED YOU BOTH SO MUCH. I am blessed beyond belief to have had 2 amazing friends for as long as I have. You will NEVER be replaced – but when the time is right and you send us the right new friend — it will be because of you and your sister.

I Love You Gingersnap — I hope you are your sister are happy and healthy where you are. I know I will see you again…… are both missed EVERY DAY and I hope you know that.

XOXO Mommy.


Jill Caren CharityPaws

Jill Caren

Jill is an avid animal lover who spends her time helping animal rescues by photographing homeless pets and through her work on CharityPaws.

She is currently owned by Cleo, an American Pit Bull Terrier and Snoopy Cat. Her inspiration comes from her girls Ginger and Riley (RIP) – pit mix sisters who were loved family members for almost 15 years.

You can find her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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